Fiction

KITCHEN SQUABBLE ‘1’

kitchen

I’ve never been the kind of girl to cook meals for her guy. I mean, I don’t even usually have a guy so why should I have the habit of cooking for him whom I have not seen in the first place? However, I met Laye and then all that changed. I started cooking for him and vice versa. He is a greak cook I must say, so that challenged me even more. I’ve never been a person to create gourmet meals. Yeah, I can successfully follow a recipe, but I wouldn’t call myself a great cook.

Very early in our relationship, Laye and I ate a lot of pizza, Chicken and mashed potatoes [He makes mashed potatoes exceptionally well & his grilled chicken, my God!] I also could bake cup-cakes and biscuits, so there was that. Somehow, I perfected homemade Owo soup which I had learnt from my aunt and Laye’s sister because they loove to eat it with starch and it quickly became Laye’s favorite meal made from my hands…until the beans porridge fight.

I mean whats’ the big deal in cooking beans? Why does anyone have to make such a big fuss about how beans is cooked? Whether its’ wet with too much water, mashy with a good amount of water or its’ dry from so little water, how does it even matter? Whether it was cooked with palm oil, Vegetable oil, or no oil at all, are we still not eating beans?

Laye gives me so much of a headache when he talks about how he loves his porridge beans. Let me remind you that one of his favorite meal is beans and plantain with pepper stew and I just hate pepper!

One saturday afternoon, he decided he wanted to eat beans and asked that we cook the meal together. Now I know you all may be wondering why we are staying together but really, we aren’t. It just happened to be one of those days I visit him on my weekends off at the hospital and spend some ‘lone times together.

Back to the story, I thought cooking together would be fun since this was my first time of doing it with a guy I was intimate with. So we picked out the shafts from the beans together and he washed off the dirts while I prepared the pot as I put on the gas. I then asked what he intended to do next since it was his idea in the first place that we cook.

“You tell me…what should we do?” He looked at me pin pointedly

“That’s what I just asked you.” I retorted

“I know but I want to do it your way, so?”

“Okay…erm, why don’t we wait for the beans to get soft a little and add some greens and veg’ after we’ve cut them?”

“Greens? What greens?” He moved his neck to get a close view at me

“I mean sweet corn, onions & Tomatoes.”

“Okayy…why sweet corn?”

“I don’t know, because I like them and they taste real nice in beans too.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” He scoffed as he moved to the lower cabinet and brought out the palm oil and set it on the counter, still looking at me. “We are not making fried beans babe, its’ porridge beans and plantain.”

“I know that, did I ever say it was fried beans we were going to make?”

“Well, you’re talking about sweet corn, I don’t know what to think.” He said shaking his head.

“Haven’t you ever heard of beans and corn?”

“Yeah, I have but not sweet corn!” He rolled his eyes at me as he chuckled

Ha! He’s even rolling eyes at me just because I mentioned sweet corn, I bet he’ll turn upside down if I mentioned sugar. I laughed at the thought. He looked at me squarely.

“Whats’ funny, why are you laughing?”

“Nothing!”

“Really, are you laughing at me because…”

“Hey mister, please don’t even start. I should even be the one getting pissed. You asked for my opinion and then rolled your eyes at me without taking due consideration of what I said.” I said as I put my hands akimbo

“Okay fine, I hear you but we are not putting sweet corn in the beans I’m going to eat. Maybe you can add it to your share when its’ out of the fire. Lets’ think of who will wash the beans again before we add any other spice, shall we?”

“Wash the beans again? why?” I asked bemused.

“Why? Don’t you parboil your beans?”

I looked fixedly at him wondering why in heaven’s name we had to parboil beans that we had already washed and I had added salt to before adding any other spice. “Huh?”

“It’s advisable to rewash your beans to remove the chemicals’ in it.”

“Are you not washing off the protein in it?” I asked perturbed. Why do people always do this? I can’t bear to have this argument again with Laye over whether beans should be washed again or not. I’ve had my fair share of arguments with my mum, my sister and my aunt, not Laye again.

“No, its’ almost the same thing you do when you want to make moi-moi.”

“No, its’ never the same thing!” I responded almost too quickly “Moi-moi is different from this, it wasn’t on fire.” I know some people who just grind the beans without peeling off the entire back of the beans, they usually just wash to remove sand and stuff but some wash the beans till it becomes white but I don’t ever think its’ the same condition with this beans on fire.

PS: Please someone come and take Laye ohh. This is way not funny.

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3 thoughts on “KITCHEN SQUABBLE ‘1’”

  1. This always happens in various relationships. The men always feel that a woman has to cook their way just to satisfy their belly. The woman’s taste changes just to suit her man, why can’t the man learn to love his woman’s style of cooking even if it’s way different from the usual? Cooking is not a rigid affair, it’s flexible. There’s never one perfect style of cooking…LAYE sha

    Liked by 1 person

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