Fiction

“…RANDOM THOUGHTS…”

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So I sat down today and started thinking of several things. How would life have been if certain things were put in place or certain things were to happen? How would we have been able to live life without totally been ashamed or embarrased of some certain things? Would we have been courageous enough to go around when certain things happen to us? Okay, enough of my ramblings; let’s start imagining.

fairytale

Let’s imagine that you were in a public gathering; say a conference meeting with reknowned officials or a church service or a Group interview or a BRT stand or even inside a bus or anywhere PUBLIC! and suddenly you feel your tummy rumbling, releasing gastro-intestinal gas and then your buttocks feel the immediate urge to release air [fart as we call it], and then because you cannot hold it any longer; you indeed release poisonous air for the public to perceive.

I know what some of you might be saying; “what do you mean? Pollution is a free gift of nature, why hold it in?”

do not

I know right…but just imagine that before you release that fart, your butt needs to fully expand and so you need to stand or arch your waist so your butt faces up [that’s if you were seated] and then do the pollution which will automatically make your entire face “GREEN”. That would then send immediate signals to everyone around you so they know you did it. In that circumstance, would you just smile it off or cover your entire face with a paper-bag to avoid been caught “green-headed”? Buahaha…

farty      green head

Let’s imagine again that you went to visit your lover for the weekend, or the entire day or just to spend some quality time and somewhere along the line, you both kissed or made love or did both; and then you had to go home. How would you feel boarding a private cab or a public bus when you lips are all out, showing infact that you had been kissed…

[Nb: the more/deeper the kiss, the longer the lips and if you decided to french kiss, then your tongue will just keep wagging. This will usually last the entire day] or would you request your lover to drive you home to avoid been seen and stay home till the symptoms are all gone [but then people will see both of you together on the road and know exactly what you two have been doing…HA]? Would you go home to your parents after you had made love [Nb: The signs will be all over you, your cheeks will be entirely pink and flushed, even if you are black and your hands and body will be entirely blue]?

saggy

Let’s assume now that as a girl, you were seeing your period and going out would mean that everyone out there would see your red legs because trust me girl; in my imagination world, your legs will be entirely red for the 5 days’ you were to see your period. Would you go to school, work, market, or even church or would you rather stay at home till the 5 days’ period is all over to avoid been caught “red-legged”?

red leg

Let’s assume again that something happened to you and you just had to lie, maybe to cover up for someone or impress someone or get something done for you or to avoid implicating yourself or for whatever reason you lie for and after doing that, you entire body begins to vibrate and everybody knows for sure that you are lying [Nb: the more you lie in a day, the more your body vibrates. This will usually last till the entire day is over]. Would you still lie?

Now imagine that you were the kind that loved all kinds of food; infact let’s call you a foodie, and you happen to attend a three-course meal/five-course meal dinner party/event; it could be a wedding anniversary/reception, a birthday dinner, a house-warming ceremony, a hotel launch or whatever and you were allowed to eat as you liked!

Would you be brave enough to eat so much knowing fully well that the more you eat, the more rounder/slimmer you get for that day and probably your clothes won’t fit at that point [Nb: Different food species with different implications. If you were to eat boiled or fried foods i.e. rice, chips, moi-moi, semo, meat, fish, chicken etc., you would be round but if you were to eat baked/natural foods i.e. cake, salads, fruit salad, ice-cream, cookies, barbequed fish, grilled meat, KFC kindda chicken etc., you would be slim]!

fat    round

Okay this is going to be the very last, I promise. Let’s imagine together that you were the kind of man that was very aggressive; who would beat up his girl-friend, lover or wife for whatever reason and after beating her up, your entire hands become white [even your arms and shoulders], your eyes become all black, your eye-brows all gone and your breathe permeates a certain kind of stinking odour for the entire day, would you still beat your lady or if you would, would you be audacious enough to go out to face the public?

black man   eye

[Nb: Even if you saw your lover at night go for dinner at night, lie at night, beat her up at night, the consequences will usually last for 24 hours, so it would spill over to the next day till the 24 hours is done.

POSER: What are your imaginations like or if you were to imagine stuff as this, what would you imagine? Share them with me if you have any funny imaginations…cheers!

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3 thoughts on ““…RANDOM THOUGHTS…””

  1. This post got me laughing hard! Your imaginations are just so weird…I mean, I would have died of vibration ever since, lool. The images gan, na wah oh…especially the one with the guy holding in his fart, lawd!!! If I were to imagine, I couldn’t really say…in fact my head us just blank now. Great post by the way

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  2. Loool…to think that this could have been real! if I ever saw someone with a green head,i’d laugh so much I could burst. Just imagine the head gets a different shade of green every time one polluted the air…It could be light green if it was a mild fart; sea green if it was a silent fart; dark green if it was smelly fart; lemon green if it made a noise and if it was that killer fart,then the head would just keep blinking all shades of green…hahaha! #justsaying

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