[It’soyha’s Memoir…]
Date: 30th November, 2015
Location: Creek Waterhouse, Asaba
Time: 08:19pm
Mood: Feeling fly!
So I just saw this very sexy lady across the road on my way back from work and I can’t help but think… “Darn! What large ass she has.” Well, you know me now; I park my car just right in front of where she stood beside the ATM tapping the buttons in an attempt to withdraw and like I should do if I want me that ass, I climb down and head to the ATM pretending to care less about whatever she might be doing. As I withdraw some money just in pretence, I see her move aside to flag down a cab. My goodness, she looks so pretty from behind I can’t stop staring.

My imagination is going crazy and I’m like “Why are ladies like this even allowed to roam the streets?”

I mean, for a man like me, it could be a catastrophe if I was driving. I would have hit some passerby and I would probably have been jailed just because of a woman’s ass!
As about now, I’m not certain the right action to take, any wrong move and I lose that ass forever. So carefully, I make my way back to my car, completely ignoring the sexy goddess I just saw and closing the car door behind me. Now the truth was; I knew that the roads weren’t free, so no cab was going to come by where she stood anytime soon. Either she was new in town or she just got stuck at that particular point because everybody who uses their “Leggedes-benz” knew not to even stop there in an attempt to look for a bus, cab or bike, except you had someone who was coming to pick you up that is.
She obviously didn’t have anyone to come pick her up because she kept flagging down cabs and buses even though they were moving on a high speed.

Just as I revved my car to life, my phone miraculously rings. I mean what other better thing to afford me more time than my cell phone? I peer down at my BB Passport and see Dayo’s face grinning at me. I smile knowing for sure what he’s going to ask me as I press the Bluetooth button behind my ears…
“Hey Boss man, what’s up now?”
“My guy, I dey oh…have you left the office?” he questioned
“Yes, I just left mehn…I’m on my way home”
“On your way home for what, don’t you know it’s’ a Wednesday Night? There’ll be so many girls out there for grabs. Come over jhoor let’s all meet at our usual spot and have fun.”
“Haaba! Oga Dayo, Chill now. I have to go freshen up and dump this suit at home; you know I’m the ladies’ man.” I said smiling haphazardly
“Ladies man your foot! Well, at least you are coming out, that sounds better. I’ll meet you up at the spot, don’t keep us waiting, you like doing that.”
“You see, that might be a bit of a problem. I just saw this ass and I can’t let it pass me by…heaven knows that lady needs me now more than I need her!”
“Big time player, please just don’t keep us waiting for too long. After all, you don’t need to fight for their attention; you always get it even If you don’t want it. I blame you? No, it’s the thought that all fingers are not equal that I blame. Rubbish boy, Get out of my phone.”
I laugh hard as he drops the call and just as I make to move, I hear a tiny knock on my car window. I look across the passenger seat and who do I see, “the ass lady”!

Small smiles creep up the corner of my chin as I wind down the window. I hold a grim face as I look at her pretending to check my time
“Excuse me…” She started “Please, do you have an idea how I can get a cab or even a bus going to Free Town from here? She smiled like there was no cause to worry.
“Well, truth be told, I have hardly seen anyone get a cab or even a bus from here to free Town. The garage where the bus loads is at the other side which means that first, you are on the wrong side of the road and secondly, you may not be able to trek the distance if you don’t know the place.”
“Oh, I see. Thank you. So I can’t even get a bike from here to the garage or Free Town itself?” she seemed determined to go on her own and I played along with her.
“Well, I don’t think so.” I replied as I pulled on my brake pads in an attempt to leave hoping she’d ask for a ride.
“Thank you very much” she ended as she moved away from my car
I rolled up the window pane and moved a bit while looking at my rear-view mirror to see if she was looking at my car. To my utter dismay, she wasn’t even looking at my car but was walking away towards the other end.
“Wow! Is she attempting to trek to the garage by herself or what?” I asked no one in particular. I steered back my car till I got to where she was. “My goodness, she walks fast, or did I drive for such a distance just now?”
I stop my car as I rolled down the windows, “hey…” I beckoned.

She stopped to look at me with uncertainty in her eyes, “Anything the matter?” she quizzed
“Are you new in town?”
“Oh no, I’m not. I must have missed my way.”
“Do you care for a ride?” I asked almost frowning
“Oh, I’ll be just fine, thank you. No need to bother.” She smiled again. My gracious me, coupled with her ass was her pretty smile and I couldn’t help but notice.
“Are you sure you don’t need me to take you to the garage? It’s quite a distance”. I half-smiled at her
I saw the uncertainty in her eyes as she mismatched her foot… “Oh well”, I said “Take care then…”
Just as I make to move away, I heard her whisper “Alright, just to the garage”.
I smiled at my new victory, she just made my Wednesday. I was so taken away by thoughts of her ass I didn’t even remember to ask her name or take her number but guess what? She collected my business card in a bid to appreciate me later. I couldn’t say no to her offer now, could I?


4 thoughts on “SHADES OF A VIRGIN WIFE”

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