Shades of a Virgin Wife (10)

PS: I can’t begin to say how sorry I am for having delayed this post. It hasn’t been easy with Law school, the Lenten season and the Easter celebration. I had to take a chill-pill on my thoughts and I sincerely hope you all understand. Happy belated Easter by the way and I hope you enjoy the last three episodes? If you missed out on the last two episodes before this, just click HERE for ‘Episode 8’ and HERE for ‘Episode 9’.
[Efua’s mind…]

Have you ever woken up one day and realized that nothing in your life was the way you thought it would be? That’s just how I feel at the moment. I miss It’soyha so much but I guess I’m just the only one feeling this way. I keep wondering why in the first place he started cheating. Was I less beautiful than I was when he met me? Did I become worthless in his eye? I just couldn’t place it. He was the only man I truly loved, ever will love. Does he still love me? I highly doubt!

Before you start casting stones at me, put yourself in my shoes, just for five minutes. Don’t think I’m one demented woman, far from it. Did you ever ask yourself how I grew up and what I thought about love and marriage? Did you ever think that maybe for once, I may not have been perfect as you may have thought?

I grew up having this perfect mindset about things. I grew up hearing that there was what we all call love. I grew up knowing that my body was just for one man. I grew up knowing that been faithful was the key to any love or marriage. I grew up knowing that in love, one had to be fair and honest. I grew up knowing that communication was the step to happiness. I grew up knowing that I couldn’t settle for less knowing my worth. So don’t blame me if my standards were too high. It’soyha married me knowing fully well I was a virgin, did that not mean anything to him? What was the use of keeping myself if he was going to cheat on our marriage? Why lie that he loved me when he knew fully well he just wanted what was between my legs? Did he not even respect the sanctity of marriage? I highly doubt!

I went too far this time, I know. I’m very ashamed of myself right now, I fear to even come out in the open. I want my It’soyha back. I want to claim that I was kidnapped and that I escaped but would that still help? I want me back the man I married, not a lying cheat. Yes I know you may be asking, why I didn’t confront him about the cheating part but do you really think it’s that easy to ask a man whether he is cheating on you, even when you already know that he is?

I like to respect people’s privacy and I’d like to think that my husband would be honest and fair to me in our marriage. How is cheating on me been fair? Not even once to claim it was a mistake, he had to do it continuously. If I cheated too, would it be fair? And I hear you say I’m evil, I’m wicked. *Huffs* I’m not even as wicked as It’soyha, not even a tiny bit close. What he is giving out for free, is mine and I have a duty to protect my own interest. I don’t see myself giving out his interest for free. I won’t even do that to him. Never!

In as much as I love that man, he needs to learn that you can’t eat your cake and still have the whole piece looking at you. I’m sure he would have figured out by now who put him in the mess he is in. I remember telling him a story during a foot-rub massage he gave me, how my grand-aunt told me of what her cousin did to her cheating husband. At that time, we had just been discussing random issues and we weren’t too serious but I’m sure he got the gist. If he hasn’t figured out yet, [then in as much as I don’t want to believe so] he is plain dumb! I heard that he has been released from police detention since they didn’t find my body and they had nothing to really charge him with. His mum is that efficient, having connections here and there.

You are asking where I am? Never mind, I don’t think I want to share, thank you. It will just be all better if I’m invincible where no one can hurt me. To think that I gave in to love for the very first time and this is what I got. I know I was open to heartbreaks and all but that was the one reason why I wanted to wait, find the man who will love me right without cheating on me; even if he wasn’t all that perfect, I was willing to deal and compromise just so our lives could be great together. I think now marriage is all a fallacy. I need to move on…

Location: Creek Waterhouse, Asaba
Time: 05:29pm
Date: 24th January, 2019.
Mood: Depressed!

It’s been a month, two weeks and four days since Efua disappeared from my life and I’m going crazy just thinking about her, where she is, if she’s dead, if she’s okay…it’s so not humane that she’d be taken away from me just like that. Not even a warning! *Sighs* I miss her I won’t lie and I wish we had had a baby at least.

When I was in prison for the one month I stayed in, all that kept me going was the thought that Efua would come back from where she had been dragged to. Somehow I feel I was a bit self-centered and I just wanted to save myself but along the line, I started thinking of what Efua might be going through wherever she was and whether or not, she was dead. I didn’t want to think about the latter, I didn’t dare.

I know that I could be an asshole sometimes and that towards the last three months of our marriage before Efua disappeared, I didn’t really pay much attention to her but that didn’t change the fact that I loved and cherished my wife. After I was released, I couldn’t stay at my home. I kept thinking of how Efua would have been accosted by some strange person and taken away. I just couldn’t bear to live in that home. I had to move away for a while just so I could clear my head and all the funny thoughts I had about my wife.

Two weeks ago, I can’t remember exactly what I was thinking, but I remembered Efua telling me something about cheating husbands and what her grand-aunt did some time ago. It made me think so hard I couldn’t believe it. Did my wife fake her own murder? Did my wife do a make-believe kidnap scene? Did Efua really set me up? Or was I just imagining what wasn’t there?

I wasn’t so sure how Efua knew I was cheating. I didn’t really bother to hear the whole story from Mrs. Ochamma, I just wanted to deny all allegations at that time. I didn’t stop to think for a split second why Efua should have been kidnapped or murdered. Thinking about that now, I remembered the diary that Mr. Adetunji read to me at the police station. Did Efua really pen those thoughts in writing? If so, why did she have to lie about the violence, buying a gun and the baby? Efua did not ever buy a gun that I was aware of…or did she? How much did I even know my wife? *Smh*

I ran to my study to look at her diary [Mr. Adetunji had asked the other sergeant to give it to me after I was released from police custody]. I hadn’t really taken much time to even read it since I received it, I didn’t think it was that important. I sat down to read it and after four hours of reading, I was scared of my own wife. How could her mind be this twisted? I just cheated on her with one woman and I didn’t even dare to bring her home, why was Efua all upbeat about it?

I looked at her diary again and realized that in her imaginary diary world, the cheating was the reason why she tried to have a baby and got pregnant; why I refused to let her have a baby and why I started assaulting her; why she was afraid of me and why she had to buy a gun. The fact that she disappeared on my birthday was not a coincidence, she had it all planned.

Her last entrée to her diary was a week to my birthday and just see what she wrote…
“Oh yayy, I’m so excited! My sugar-bunny’s birthday is next week Wednesday and I’m wondering what to surprise him with. I don’t want a cliché present, I want to give him something he won’t expect but what would that have to be? Nah, I don’t feel like buying much this year, maybe next year and no, I don’t want to do another surprise party. Obviously, he’s gonna have lots of cake but that won’t do as a present. Well, let’s see…a trip somewhere to the Bahamas or Vegas? Nope, that will be when we are 5 years in marriage! #I-got-an-idea. Hmmm…should I think it out loud or keep it within? I think within would be better, that way it’ll be a perfect surprise. *Chuckles* It’soyha is mine and mine alone and I love him to bits but dear diary *sadface*…I fear that this man of mine may kill me and leave me for another woman!”

I closed the diary not wanting to believe what my head was telling me. I didn’t want to believe that my wife could be this extreme. I started thinking about all the possibilities of Efua having a gun and killing herself just to prove a point. Will she really do that? Has she done it already? Has she killed herself? I hate to think that…my mind is filled with so much disgust right now but I want to give her the benefit of doubt. She’s my wife and for all I know, she does love me but why trick everyone to thinking that I killed her because I cheated? Does that even sound fair?

I wondered where Efua could have been all this while with this chaos going on and then I realized…nobody has heard from Denise. She didn’t even call to ask what happened. Did she not know that her cousin has been missing for a month plus now? I know that Louisa would have told her plus the police called her to verify about her missing cousin but not for once did she come to see me. I don’t know Denise to hate me so I find it very strange that she didn’t come to Lagos to see me or join in the search for her missing cousin. Did Efua do anything wrong to Denise that I did not know of? I had to go and see Denise for myself, I needed to get to the crux of this. I know Efua can’t be dead…she’s definitely not! Is Efua with Denise? OMG!!!


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