Khalifa

I wish to tell you all about my best friend Khalifa, and how I lost him…

1st year (In OAU)

I was sitting in the Matriculation hall, looking at that guy sitting next to me. He was my ‘best friend’, always had been. He had nice hair, humble, and was very handsome. I wish I could tell him that I liked him so much, but I didn’t want to break the bond of the friendship we already had, I loved what we shared besides we were classmates, nothin could possibly come out of that.

Some time after lectures, he would walk up to me, borrow some notes of the previous class, hug me, say he would see me later and peck me goodbye.

I wish I told him, I wish he knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved him, but I was too timid, too shy

I didn’t know why.

2nd year

We found another friend, Timilehin. She was amazing and I saw the way she looked at him. She found ways to make him smile, even bought him chocolates after lectures and always came to him for help. Timilehin was not in the same faculty with us, she was a law student…so it was quite difficult to always see him.

We were medical students. But Timi was good and confident too. She called, constantly, always the cheerleader. Then they started dating…I was too pained to cry, I just smiled it off. Timi was just a level lower than us, what did she know?

I wish I told him, I wish he knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved him, but I was too timid, too shy

I didn’t know why

3rd/4th year

We were still friends and they were still dating. He looked so happy, I couldn’t ruin that. Then I lost my dad, experience too painful to bear. He came around, soothed and comforted me but he didn’t come alone. She came along too. I felt so sorry for myself. Even my best friend had a tag, I needed to find mine too.

I wish I told him, I wish he knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved him, but I was too timid, too shy

I still didn’t know why

5th year

During our house-manship, my phone rang, it was him; he called me to tell me how much he was hurting. Timi left. I needed to know how he was doing, I went to see him, he was still my best friend. As I sat next to him cradling him in my arms, I looked in his eye, wishing he was mine but I brushed it off, nothing would come out of it.

We spent two hours talking, laughing about stuffs and he said how mad he was at himself for not always being there for Timi. I listened, tried to pacify him and after a while, he was okay. I left to go, he looked me in the eye with a handsome smile, thanked me for being there, and hugged me goodbye.

I wish I told him, I wish he knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved him, but I was too timid, too shy

I still didn’t know why.

6th year

One day, before the final school ‘Y.O.L.O’ clubhouse party, he asked me to accompany him, since we all had to come with someone of the opposite gender. I was very happy, too excited to even decline, because every moment with him was special.

We went to the party however, ‘as just friends’, I didn’t even mind…it was better than nothing. During the party, I sat at the corner of the club with a certain guy oogling me. I looked at him as he chatted with his friends. He happened to look at me, and then gave me that killer smile.

I wish I told him, I wish he knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved him, but I was too timid, too shy

I just didn’t know why.

Convocation day

Days, weeks, months passed. It was the convocation day, so happy and excited we had completed our studies. He stood up, to go pick his certificate. As he walked elegantly towards the podium, I couldn’t stop staring at him. I still wanted him to be mine, but he didn’t notice me like that.

Before he left, he came with his graduation gown, looked at me, gave me a smile, embraced me hard and told me, ‘you’re forever my best friend’, don’t you forget that!

I wish I told him, I wish he knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved him, but I was too timid, too shy

I can’t be certain why.

Wedding day

5 years down the line, in the church, he was standing in front of the altar, with his bride by his side. It really hurt me, my chance is gone now. I loved him too much, but I finally had to let him go. He was getting married; not to me. I should find myself another. I never had a chance to know what kissing him felt like, I felt I would die!

I wanted him to be mine, but he didn’t see me like that. At the reception, I came over to wish them a happy married life with a glint of tears in my eye. Oh well, it seemed like happy tears, he looked at me and gave me that killer smile. He whispered to me “YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND EVER”. I half-smiled as the tears dropped.

I wish I told him, I wish he knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved him, but I was too timid, too shy

I think i’m stupid, don’t know why

Burial day

Days, months, years passed. 12 years precisely, he had died in a car accident, survived by 3 kids, I went to mourn the love of my life. The love I was afraid to tell. As I viewed his lain body, I was hurt that he left without knowing I loved him, without giving me the chance to kiss him goodbye.

After the final mass, his lovely wife approached my husband and I…I hugged her and said how sorry I was for her loss. We cried a while and she told me she was sorry. I didn’t understand, I looked at her sad face.

She called to Oreva, her first daughter, named after me. Oreva brought a parcel and handed it to me. I looked at my best friend’s wife…she smiled and walked away. I opened and saw Khalifa’s diary…I went home and began to read…somewhere in the middle I saw;

‘I stare at her; I would love to have her in my life.

I try to simulate situations, but she doesn’t seem to notice me like that.

I love her too much it hurts, I wish she knew.

I would really want us to be more than just friends.

I try to be cautious, I don’t want to lose our friendship, let alone lose her

I love her but am too timid, too shy to say.

I don’t know why.’

My strength was over, I went to his grave and Knelt before it, as tears dropped down my chicks. Those words touched me deeply. I wish I told him but its too late now, he is gone. My husband stood right by me looking on…I know he loves me, I told him about my best friend before we got married, I couldn’t bear the burden of hiding the pain…I needed to tell someone else, Dare understood and stood by me, even till this day.