Relationships: Heartbreaks – Pins & Needles?

The toughest part of letting go, is realizing the other person already did! Because it is funny how when someone says they love you, you can’t really feel it because you hardly think you love the person back but when they say they don’t love you anymore, you can then begin to feel every ounce of what was drained out of your entire being. Really amazing!

Do you ever understand this feeling of tingling? This feeling of numbness, quiet and then gradually pain and grief? Yes, that is the situation with pins and needles. Should I liken it to a heartbreak? I think so. Because the worst feeling is feeling unwanted by the person you want the most.

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Recently, my friend was heartbroken and I could not but feel all the empathy I could for her. She was in a place of grief. A place of numbness. A place of pain and terrible heartache. I watched my friend struggle to sleep and breathe. I watched my friend cry over and over again. No amount of my cheerfulness could cheer her up. I saw that it was best to let her cry out her grief; for there could be a million reasons why she should have just given him up, but the heart will always want what it wants.

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I was upset. I was livid. I was furious.

How does someone make you so vulnerable that every other thing around you makes no sense without them? How do you build your life around someone so much so that when they pull free, everything in your world crumbles to dust? How do you not want to eat so that you can at least stay alive for the next great amazing thing that might happen to you all because someone has left you? How do you struggle so hard to breathe because you have cried so much even your body cannot take it anymore? How?

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This was the exact situation of my friend and I struggled hard to try to make her smile, to say the least. It seemed like all my efforts could not get to her at a certain point. She refused to eat. She could not sleep. She was always absent minded, sometimes I would worry how she went about her day at work. She would ignore all calls, all texts and all chats, waiting and hoping that ‘he’ would call or even text. He never really did. The only time he called, it lasted for barely two minutes and my friend was more distraught, I wished he had just not called.

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Sometimes I try to understand the concept of a heartbreak and how it causes severe heartaches that leads to crying for more than a week. Like how do you not feel hungry for more than a week? How do you not know what it means to smile for more than a week? How do you not know how to talk on the phone because you are constantly tired and worn out from crying your entire body out? Just how?

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I don’t want to go about the sordid details of how the man in her life broke up with her via phone over a silly misunderstanding or how he could not have come to see her to iron things out maturely after over two and a half years of their being together. I remember her considering several options like being a nun or even travelling to see him or joining the ministry for single women [Lmao]. It was hilarious but I could tell she was being serious because really, only God can heal a broken heart.

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Two days after my friend kept crying and sleeping, I realized the only thing I could do to aid her healing process, was to be there for her and hold her close till she was okay to move on with her life; because truly, her life still laid bare in front of her and moving on was just the best option. We can try to forget what hurt us but we can never forget what it taught us in the long run.

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Whilst I agree that it is sometimes okay to cry over spilt milk especially the one that may be hard to get, I also hold the opinion that the quicker you move on to clean the spilt milk, the faster your chances of getting another glass in your hand no matter where it will come from. The question to ask yourself really will then be, who was I before they broke my heart? Did I like that person I was? Does this teach me to learn from this experience and be different?

So, I have some questions I need to ask…

  1. How do you really allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone that the mere exit of their presence in your live turns you to a vegetable?
  2. Why do people develop heartaches from heartbreak that spans over a week?
  3. Why do people realize after a heartbreak that the person who just pulled free was right for them all along that it only took the heartbreak to realize that fact?
  4. And really, why do people break up with their partners [long-time standing] for some mere issues that could easily be settled with proper communication and understanding?

Have you ever experienced an heartbreak? If yes, how did it make you feel? Did it feel like the end of the world to you and was there anything you could have done to bring back that partner? Looking back at it, was there anything you wished you had done differently?

I would love to read your comments below on the above issues.

Thank you.

Image Credit: Google

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22 thoughts on “Relationships: Heartbreaks – Pins & Needles?”

  1. Reading this piece makes me want my heartbroken again so bad😔. But nah! That nigga can’t have any more of that.
    And yeah! My first heartbreak was the realest emotion I had my whole life, I literally cried for days, almost got knocked down by a car cuz I was lost in thought and strolling into the road. It almost felt like the end of the world. It took me 4yrs a marriage and a baby to get over that.

    I don’t think I would have done anything different, those experiences shaped me to be who I am, more the wise and strong.
    Somehow during the period I knew it was going to hurt real bad, for a long time then get better after the while, so I quietly bid my time waiting for when I could no longer feel the numbing paid, I did a mental countdown, (Kaki, just breathe for 3months you’ll be fine…) that way till it became easier and normal, moreso I tried to enjoy those pains, looking forward to those moments that trigger them, laying in silence and letter the pain devour me. I was happy to feed. These positive experiences helped me alot.

    Great Write-up!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh Kakimun,

      I am so sorry about your experience and I am glad that you learnt and grew through it. It is so worrisome that heartbreaks makes one numb and void of emotions at the time – so much pins and needles that keeps reoccurring even when you just think about the ‘what ifs’.

      I wonder how you would have felt should you have been actually hit by the car and become paralyzed all for a lady that later got married, forgot you and had a baby. It is amazing that you followed up on her even after four years. Awesome effort and yet heart wrenching! Sometimes your heart just needs time to accept what your mind already knows and maybe that is okay in itself.

      I wonder how you tried to enjoy the pains, letting them devour you. Sometimes all we can do in life, is let the pain envelop us and see if we can survive afterwards. because when you let your heart love someone more than they deserve, you also let them hurt you more than you deserve.

      I learnt with time that it shapes you and gives you a better view on things that subsequently happen. Let me just say that sometimes good things fall apart for better things to subsequently happen in our lives.

      Thank you Kakimun for your comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can see myself embedded in the contents of this article 😪😢

    It’s really hard getting healed to be very honest😢 but like my friend tells me always, healing is a process. So, someday I know i would remember him and just smile.
    No tears, No hard feelings because I have truly moved on.

    This is a very nice piece.
    Thumbs up

    Like

    1. Oh Nikeh, I can imagine how you felt at the time and I am glad to hear that you have allowed yourself to heal and move on. The lesson it taught you is something I believe will be rare to find.

      Thank you for stopping by.

      Like

  3. I think you have to have really loved for your heart to be really broken.

    This person has become stitches in the fabric of your existence. You see them in everything you do. You pick a glass of water and you remember what they said about not liking the plain taste of water. You think of songs and remember all your jokes about each other’s taste in music. You read a book and remember how you used to share books. You think of your future and think of how you pictured them in it, perfectly. Those days after, when you have to give up on everything you thought was your life and come to terms with this new you without them, the feeling of emptiness is unavoidable. The heartbreak is like you mourning your own death, or at least the death of a previous you. You suddenly do not understand life again.

    But we have to come to terms with the fact that people leave, sometimes out of boredom, sometimes because they just don’t want you again. And we also have to understand that, it’s fine to want to leave.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t think you can love without being vulnerable. You have to open yourself up to them. When you love, the person becomes a separate breathing part of you.

    Now, when they leave, it’s as if you’ve been split in two, and the other half taken away. You look at a glass of water and remember how they didn’t like to drink water because it’s tasteless. You read a book on food and remember how you wanted to send them a book on zodiac signs. You see a child and wonder how your children would have looked like if they didn’t walk away. You die in bits everytime you remember them through little everyday things that shouldn’t matter. You see them in everything you own, a memory of them attached to everything- your hair, your bag, your phone, your dreams, your future. Tell me how you will not become a shell of your former self, at least for a while?

    People walk away for many reasons, and it’s totally their choice. No one should have to be with one they don’t want to be with. Though it’s sad that it has to happen that way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Leczee, you have broken it down in a way that breaks me now and I am more afraid of this love than ever. The fact that no matter what you try to do, it breaks you into two for a while is the complete thing I cannot stand. Like how do I pull myself together from this and the continuous thoughts that will keep taunting me is a nightmare I don’t pray to come true.

      Thank you really for your comments and truly people should be allowed to walk away and the other party should be allowed to heal without shame.

      Sigh. At the end of the day, we all must love someone – even if it is a pet.

      Like

  5. Heartbreak is a messy affair, especially when you don’t see it coming(in some relationships, you simply watch the spark fizzle out and you’re sort of prepared). The Cloud Ninety-nine to Ground zero sort of heartbreak, requires a conscious effort to be rid of.
    First and foremost, I think it hurts most when you have so many good memories and friends in common with the ex. Everything seems to remind one of what’s lost. The best way to truly be prepared to deal with heartbreak is by having a life outside of the person you are dating. You should have your own interests and stuff you’re passionate about too. YOUR WORLD SHOULD NOT REVOLVE AROUND ONLY YOUR PARTNER.
    Throwing my energy into my passions has always helped me deal with heartbreak(Your career won’t wake up one day and say “no more “)
    Most importantly is the conscious effort to move on. Remember that the person who broke your heart DECIDED to. There is simply no dignity in begging someone to stay in your life. In this case, holding on will pose more problems than letting go will.
    If some doors don’t close, others might not open. Allow yourself the time to heal by making an effort to get through the pain one day at a time, showing yourself some love and allowing things to fall in place. With time, you’ll even forgive your ex and put it all behind you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Beespicexo,

      I am in awe of your comment. I totally agree that ‘your world should not at any point in time, revolve around only your partner’. This should be a major key stance in relationships because I find that people tend to build their entire world around their partner and build mutual friends along the line which may be very difficult to clean off after a terrible heartbreak.

      And as you said, really there is no dignity in trying to hold on to what is lost, especially when the person ‘decided’ to let go.

      I guess along the way, we learn with all the experiences that life teaches us and become better.

      Thank you for stopping by and oh by the way, your story on the Club Meeting is amazing.

      Like

  6. Beautiful post. I feel sorry for your friend because there is nothing we can possibly say to relieve her pain. All you can do (and are already doing) is stay by her side. Staying by the side is often underrated but it works like a charm 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I really like how you penned out this piece. It shows that you care about your friend. You see, to avoid heartbreaks, we always need to make sure that nobody takes the spot of our first love. God is our first love, and he does not ever break up with us. While we are in a relationship with anyone, we should make sure that we are giving God and not the person a significant portion of our attention. We also need to pray before commencing these relationships. God can reveal how the relationship will end up to a person before the person even begins it, God is awesome like that. When we focus on God and therefore build our life around him, a heartbreak will hurt, but it would be nothing more than a minor pull-out that would not be able to completely crash our world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can totally relate to how you must have felt and I am glad you’ve moved past that stage. Thankfully, it inspired a blog…who knows what other amazing things it must have inspired of you?

      Thank you for stopping by.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Love and heartbreak are two sides of a vey elusive coin if you ask me.

    1. I don’t think that we “let” ourselves be vulnerable to other people. I think that people just walk into our lives and find our buttons and when they find it and flick it on, we are done in.

    2. When you are in a relationship: friendship or romantic relationship, the other person becomes a part of your life. It is as if you clear a space for them in the home that is your heart, and they live there, eat with you, play with you, and the works. Imagine losing a neighbor or flat mate? Imagine knowing that someone that used to be there will no longer be there? It is like they are dead and gone, not literally; but they are no more someone you can call “your own”. So you have to clean up the house, take their things out, and get the room fresh and ready for the next best stranger. That feeling hurts. The process of recovery hurts more. And it will certainly take a while to get things back to what they were before.

    3. Well, you never know what you have until you lose it. I guess this holds true.

    4. Sometimes, people know from the get go that they are merely passing time with each other. They know this person is not who they want, but for some reason— whether fear of what the world would say, or pressure from folks or friends, or sheer indecisiveness, or plain selfishness— they go on to be with this person.There are issues that are left unresolved— like religious or tribal differences, like either family not being cool with either partner, like an ex that keeps showing up, like a terrible habit that you keep praying will die with time, that couples sweep under the carpet without actually addressing; and it only becomes a matter of time before these issues blow up out of proportion to cause the couples to face the truth they had been running away from the get go.

    Sometimes, the heartbreak is imminent from the very beginning but we make excuses until the excuses make us pay. And people don’t just wake up one day and break up with their partners, it is usually a result of weeks, months, years of putting up with situations that wore them out bit by bit, until the last straw broke the camels back.

    Just my thought.

    ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is very thoughtful of you…to have penned this under my post and I couldn’t agree more with all you have said. Maybe, we should learn not to always give the heart what it wants, no matter how badly it wants it! Will that cure the heart ache? Maybe not but will that save the heart the stress, yes, I very much think so.

      Liked by 1 person

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