Have you ever felt like you were not loved enough by the one person you truly admire or have you felt that they loved you too much and you can’t return the favor?
Have you felt that everything that the person does should or ought to revolve around you or have you felt that the person ought to give you some space?
Have you ever felt that the words coming out from the person’s mouth are utter false lies and sugar coated words that does not bare deep down in your soul or have you felt that you hear the words too often you are afraid you will hurt the person?
Have you ever felt that gut feeling that tells you, you are not the only one in their life and just zip up before you go haywire or have you felt that you are the only person in their life and you are afraid they will go insane if you leave?
To what extent then, should you love – even when your heart is bursting with all the emotions and you can’t keep calm? OR To what extent, should you not love so that you don’t give off the wrong vibe?
To what extent, should you hide your true desires just so that in the end you don’t get hurt? OR To what extent, should you accept their love and try to let them know you don’t love them as much?
To what extent, should you not expect or hope for things, just so things do not go south? OR To what extent, should you go, to let them know not to expect so much from you because you can’t love them just as much?
To what extent really, can you compromise on this love thing?
These may seem like a lot of questions but I was going through a poem a friend of mine wrote yesterday and I just had these many thoughts in my head. So here is my own fantasy tale:
Just when you think that there is nothing called love, someone comes by your door and teases you with a piecemeal offering of it – you try to neglect it but the person is persistent. So you finally taste it, it feels so good but just when you return to have some more, the person (who was standing by the door) you finally offered a chair, is knocking at your neighbor’s door – so you sigh and close your door, knowing fully well that you have just lost your chance to what might or might not be love.
As you try to move on, the person comes knocking again and this time you open fully wide, hoping that it will stay – at least for a while and it does. You feel good, very good and you begin to want more without really saying it because you don’t want it to go back to your neighbor’s door or any other neighbor for that matter. So you lock it off and smile.
The person looks at you sometime later and asks to look outside your compound for a bit, you oblige because love does not possess. It wanders around looking at the beauty outside and you wonder what is taking it so long to come back inside, so you peep through the window and see how happy it is alone outside. You want to join in, you wish you could but you don’t want to take the first step because you think it should acknowledge your presence and take you there too, so you writhe in pain – waiting, hoping, desiring.
It never comes and somewhere along the line, you close your door to stop the dust from coming in since it has been open for too long. You look out again from your window and wait a while, still watching. It still doesn’t look at you, so you shut the window in anger because you are tired of looking and you tuck yourself underneath the duvet, fighting back the unshed tears.
As you begin to sleep peacefully after days of counting the ceiling over and over, you hear a knock on your door but instead you open your window and see the person standing outside, cold and hungry. You pity it but resolve not to open the door and rather create a shed by the window where you pass out warm blankets and a hot meal. You want to let it in, you want to hold it but you are not quite sure it will stay and you have a huge lump somewhere in your throat that makes it uneasy to ask the brooding question – so you keep quiet and watch it eat instead, as it smiles at you wondering why you spoilt the door – because that is what you told it happened to the door – at just the short time it was not around.
You look at it, hoping that it will get the cue to at least repair the ‘broken door’ from outside to come in or ask how it can fix it for you but it doesn’t and you just smile. You wait for it to sleep as you look at it smiling, singing; once it closes it eyes, you count to twenty and silently say goodbye as you shut the window forever!
When do you know when to draw a line in a relationship? What kind of love will you consider toxic to you? When will you know that this relationship is too much for you to handle? When should you pull out? What kind of love is too much for you to handle?
Is it rather worth it to have a conversation with your partner even though the signs are clear? Is it really true that there is nothing too much for one to handle?
Let me know your thoughts as you drop your comments below – you know I love to read from you.
Thank you for stopping by!