Tag Archives: Emotions

Alpha Series: E’s Empathy Lack

You can read my previous post here on Alpha Series – ‘A’s story  , Alpha Series – B’s Beast , Alpha Series – C’s Catastrophe and Alpha Series: D’s Debacle. You can also check out similar posts on the Alpha-series on Kofo’s blog here , herehere, and here . Enjoy!


“Can you try to see with the eyes of another? Can you try to listen with the ears of another? Can you feel with the heart of another? If you can…congratulations! It means you can walk a mile in someone’s shoes and not just stand there feeling sorry that their shoes hurt.”

Enough is enough!’ Ereya screams at me. I look at him with utter shock; he does not believe a word of what I say. I scurry off like a mouse to my room. I am feeling unwanted and disliked. I am feeling all by myself. I do not like this feeling. I peer out the room window looking at the nearby sea and feel the distant breeze. The rain is coming again and I smile sardonically.

Eagerly I have been staring at the edge of the water for as long as I can remember and never really understanding just why; I want to be the perfect daughter – I wish I could, but it is really hard. So maybe I will just roll away, to a place far far away because no matter how hard I try, my body still leads me back to the water.

Enthusiastically, I run my palms across my hair with thoughts that the rain is falling on me, as I continue to look out. I want to cease from existing. I am not sure how I can achieve it but the rain gives me hope. I hear my name being called. I dive underneath the bed. ‘Berema? Berema?’

Ereya’s hard feet are thumping the ground. It is sounding like drops of heavy coco yam. I shake off the thought to smile and keep a grim face. He is looking at my box. ‘Ha! I do not hide there any more, you big goat!’ He continues pacing for a while and stops, muttering something I cannot hear. He moves away to another room. I stay put for a while. I know how tricky Ereya can be.

Evolving from my trance, I hear noises in the background. I realize I had slept off underneath the bed. I am not sure how long I have stayed put but as I stifle a loud yawn, I know that it must have been really long. I hear Jaja talk with somebody. That somebody does not have Ereya’s voice. What are they saying? I wonder. I try to listen but my heart beat is interrupting the voices. I strain my ear a bit.

‘Exactly what I am saying, Ereya should have applied more caution in dealing with the situation. I wonder where she might have run off to; poor child, having to go through all that in silence.’ I hear the ‘somebody’ sigh. I wonder if my elder brother is around. I want to get up and run. Run very far away where no one can see me but I am not sure where to run to. I hope that my brothers will keep this information amongst them. Perekule cannot hear that I let them know. I know what wonders he will perform if he finds out.

Expectantly, the four feet began to move away towards the outer door. I bring out my head and scan the arena. The coast is clear. I breathe in a bit too quickly. The sun hits me. I realize the weather had changed. What a pity, I mutter…I was hoping on the rain.

Eagerly, I prance about my room. My head is singing a happy song. I stop to listen a bit. I smile sheepishly. I know what I want and I will do as I please. I sit on the edge of my bed and twist my hair into Bantu knots. I am overly excited. My jaws begin to hurt. I refrain from smiling as I let my thoughts wander. I hear my name again; I reach for the floor again and dive under the bed.

‘Employ other means.’ I hear Jaja say ‘if we cannot find her in this small house, it is because we are acting inefficiently. Let us be calm about this and pretend that you and Berema did not discuss this sacrilege we hear. Let her tell us more succinctly what she is saying. At least, I will be present too and confirm if she is lying or not.’ I hear Ereya hiss out loud ‘Berema is just a coward! I have no idea where she ran off to but if I catch her, I will beat her brains out.’

Empathy is for the brave at heart and I know how uneasy it is for Ereya to wrap this strange idea around his head. He looks up to Perekule and sees no ill in him. How dare I spoil his so perfectly built up image?

Emotionally drained and exhausted, I hold back the tears that threaten to fall off my face as I stretch my full height underneath the bed. I am no longer in doubt as to what I need to do. I am no longer afraid of hiding the truth; after all, it will still be a lie in the ears of everyone. So much for holding it in, pretending to be the strong one; needing no help. So much for carrying up a front, leading everyone to believe that my life is happy and sweet.

Existing in sizes and bits is what I have been doing but no more. I will live my life to the fullest, just as I please. No more will I dance to the whims of anyone. I know everyone on this island seems so happy, everything is by design and I will not be satisfied if I play along.

Every turn I take – every trail I track, every path I make – every road leads back, to the place I know where I cannot go, where I long to be – see the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me and no one knows how far it goes. If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me, one day I’ll know. If I go away, there’s just no telling how far I’ll go.

Even if I’ll be satisfied when I play along, the voice inside me sings a different song. What is wrong with me? Can you see the light as it shines on that sea? It’s blinding but no one knows how deep it goes and it seems like it’s calling out to me. So I will let it come find me and let me know what’s beyond that line, if ever, will I cross that line?


Shades of a Virgin Wife (4)


My heart is pounding fervently. The elevator arrives on the first floor of Olaniwun Ajayi, and I scramble out as soon as the doors slide open. I race for the wide glass doors, happy that it’s Friday and I’m free from work and in the cleansing, damp air of Lagos Island. Raising my face, I welcome the hot scorching sun as I put on my Louis Vuitton shades. I close my eyes and take a deep, purifying breath, trying to recover what’s left of my equilibrium. No man has ever affected me the way Utibe It’soyha has, and I cannot fathom why. I roll my eyes in exasperation.

Is it his looks? His civility? Wealth? Sexy Baritone? I don’t understand my irrational reaction. I breathe an enormous sigh of relief. What in heaven’s name was this all about? Leaning against one of the steel pillars of the building, I valiantly attempt to calm down and gather my thoughts. I shake my head. Holy crap – what is this? My heart steadies to its regular rhythm, and I can breathe normally again. I head for my car. As I drive away, I begin to feel foolish and embarrassed as I replay the just-ended phone conversation with It’soyha in my mind.

Surely, I’m over-reacting to something that’s imaginary. Okay, so he’s very attractive, sexy, quite intelligent, confident, commanding, at ease with himself, I snort – but on the flip side, he’s too proud, arrogant, and for all his impeccable manners, he’s cynical and cold. Well, that’s on the surface. An involuntary shiver runs down my spine. He may be arrogant, but then he has a right to be – he’s accomplished so much at such a young age. Who wouldn’t be so proud or have such an air of arrogance?

Again, I’m irritated at myself for having agreed to spend the weekend together. It’s been barely five weeks of our meeting and I can’t stop thinking about him. So, he came over again to Lagos yesterday after I had refused to fly on the next plane to Asaba for a meet-up. Obviously, I knew I loved this man but I wasn’t so overtaken by my emotions that I’d stupidly fly on the next plane just so I could meet-up with him! If he wanted so badly to meet with me, then he’d come over. I had said so on the phone when we spoke at length on Wednesday and by 4:45pm Thursday afternoon, crazy Mr. Utibe arrived Lagos. I wasn’t too surprised. Yeah, I thought he would give up on me…men are always like that, especially when they haven’t got that booty call after five weeks.

I got home by 7:20pm after trying to beat the Lagos traffic. I had my shower, packed a small bag and waited for It’soyha to call. I wasn’t sure what to do…I didn’t want to eat because It’soyha was good at spoiling me with food and I wanted my stomach to be ready. I wanted to call but I wasn’t sure if it was right for me to do so, I didn’t want to seem like a creep, I felt extremely awkward and I somehow hoped he wouldn’t call but then again, I’d be very disappointed and I knew It’soyha was definitely going to call. Tripping down the stairs, I lay gently on the sitting couch and slept off.
[It’soyha’s Memoir…]
Date: 15th January, 2016
Location: Radisson Blu Anchorage
Time: 07:10pm
Mood: Superb!

It’s been a while I wrote on here and I can’t say just exactly how I feel. Efua has taken over my thoughts and I’m scared to say but I think I’m in love. I know you’ll ask what I mean but I sincerely can’t believe it either. She is so different from the rest I have met and her every word brings adventure and excitement. She’s breaking my every bounds and making me do things I’d not do on a normal.

Dayo and Habeeb have been so sad because I stopped going to the strip bar with them every Wednesdays…I don’t feel like it anymore. Like I said before, I think I’ve had me enough girls to last a lifetime!

So, I see myself coming to Lagos almost all the time because of Efua and I’m always excited but truth is, I don’t have much time to always come over, else I’d be coming around every other weekends to see her. I decided that I’d branch out to Lagos and move down here to settle but then again, I’m not so sure how she feels about me. I know she thinks I just want her ass, which I still very much do but then again, I want all of her. I don’t think I’d be able to share her with anyone and as I can see, she isn’t with anyone and I’m very grateful for that.

I can’t seem to stop thinking about tonight. It’s going to be our first night together and I feel so awkward about it. Our conversation earlier today was quite provocative but very overwhelming…I didn’t know that girls could get mad over the fact that a man did all he could to come around to see her even after she indirectly asked for it. It was the most complicated thing ever, I can still hear the shock in her voice when I had called her this mid-afternoon…

“Hey babe, what’s up with you?” I had started
“I’m doing alright and you?”
“Oh, I’m feeling very excited today…can’t seem to stop quelling.”
“Oh really? What’s getting you all excited?”
“The thought of seeing you, waking up with you and just being with you throughout this weekend.”
“Oh yeah?” She giggled over the phone and then stopped suddenly, “Wait, what did you just say?”
“Oh come on, you heard me the first time, don’t play sneaky.”
“I don’t understand what that means. Are you still saying that I should come over to Asaba?” she huffed “I told you before, It’soyha, I won’t do that. Besides, it’s Friday already so it’s obvious I’m not going to come anywhere near Asaba. You have to come here if you want to see me and you are too busy for that…you possibly can’t be traveling up and down plus I’m guessing your friends would like to spend some quality time with you by the weekend. Just stop dreaming already!”
Why does she have to say a lot? I chuckled hard before I spoke up “Okay, first of all, that was a ton of words. Secondly, you don’t have to trouble yourself anymore, I’m here already.”
“Sorry, you are here? As in, you came over? Like seriously, you traveled down to Lagos again? Are you here for business or you really just came to spend the weekend?”
“That’s what I said before…I came here to see you and spend the weekend…not alone but with you.”
“You are definitely one crazy man. Who told you it was okay to come over and why didn’t you say that you would be coming around?”
“You said if I wanted to see you, I would come around and I came around. You asked for it!”
“No, I didn’t! You took me by my words literally? I just said it, I didn’t literally mean that you should come. And besides, if you were coming, you should have said something. What if I was going off somewhere…?”
“Somewhere like where? You aren’t going anywhere obviously or are you?”
“What if I had a wedding to attend tomorrow? What if I had to travel?”
“Oh well, what a shame…I’ll just come along with you.”
“Are you okay? Come along with me to where? Who invited you?”
“Efua, I don’t care if no one invited me…I’ll trail along with you even if you don’t want me to. Now can we stop ranting about what not and just attend to what is? I’m here to spend the weekend with you because I want to, do you want to see me or not?”

She was quiet for a while and for a split second I thought she had cut the call on me, I checked my phone and saw that the connection was still on…
“Hello Efua, are you still there?”
“Yeah It’soyha, I’m here…” she sighed
“So…do you want to see me?”
“It’soyha, you know I do…but spending the weekend with you is what I’m not sure of. I didn’t…I didn’t plan for this.”
“I know it’s a bit of a surprise but I really want to see you Efua. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have come all the way down here.”
“Okay, I’ll come…” she said almost reluctantly “but that would be after work and all.”
“No problem Efua, I’ll send a cab to go pick you up when you are ready.”
I heard her snort, “I don’t want a cab to come pick me up It’soyha…it’s either you come over to pick me or I drive myself over when I feel like it.”
I laughed, girls could really be something, now she wants me to do all the work… “Alright my lady, if that’s what you so desire, I’ll come myself…I don’t want you driving over when you please.”
“See you soon then mister”
“See you soon Efua.”

She dropped the call before I had a chance to say any other thing. Now I thought that was rude but then, its’ Efua…she gets away with anything.

Now, I’m wondering why she hasn’t yet called. Is she cancelling on me without a word? It’s 8:58pm and I doubt she’d be stuck in any Lagos traffic heading home. She should have gotten home a long time ago. I’m just going to ignore all odds and call her just to be sure…I really want to see her.


I FEEL a heavy throbbing on my breast and I jerk up immediately to see my phone vibrating on the floor. I bend down to pick it up and see It’soyha’s face greeting me with a warm smile. I accept his call and we talk a while. I then head upstairs, carry my small bag and head out for my weekend-get-away with It’soyha.

It’s been such a long time I ever had a weekend-get-away and that was when I was 19 with my first boyfriend when we went to “Obudu Cattle Ranch” at Calabar spontaneously on a Thursday. I even had to miss my Friday lectures just for that trip but that was because the trip to Calabar just happened.

I remember when Victor had said to me that Thursday afternoon,
“Babe, let’s go to Calabar.”
“Calabar? Why?”
“We haven’t really travelled together before or ran off somewhere exciting and Jos doesn’t provide the best social fun, let’s go to Obudu.”
And just like a fool, I had excitedly blurted out “Oh yes Victor, that would be fun plus I haven’t been there before. When do you want us to go?”
“Now!” he grinned widely at me as I smiled back thinking he was just joking
“Okay, let’s go” I said thinking I was playing along and before I could mutter Olusegun Obasanjo, Victor ran inside to pack a bag for both of us and that was how we went to the airport and I found myself in Calabar, all expenses paid for.

“Why are you smiling?” I heard It’soyha ask
“Oh…nothing. A thought just popped up my head”

A while later, we headed to his suite at Radisson Blu. As we were on the elevator, several indecent thought flashed in my head…look at what you are thinking Efua, the unwelcome still small voice of my subconscious whispers. I banish the thought immediately as I look up to see It’soyha smiling at me. He took me to “Voyage Restaurant” where we had a decent dinner after we had gone to drop my bags.

First, we were served with Arra Viognier white wine and I took a gracious sip because I loved white wine and it’soyha knew to order a refill. Then, It’soyha ordered for an appetizer of Fresh Prawns grilled with Coriander-garlic butter for both of us and I heard my stomach melt with pleasure as I filled my mouth with the creamy taste. After we were done with the prawns, the waiter brought to our table another exciting dish of Grilled fillet of sole with lemon shrimps butter, spinach and mashed potatoes. I couldn’t be more pleased. I ate to my heart content as It’soyha watched me with delight. The mashed potatoes were bae, finely mashed and it felt so soft in my mouth like melted butter.

As I took another sip of my white wine, It’soyha announced that dessert was coming. I was so full but I couldn’t upset the worms in my stomach by refusing to try to eat the variation of Belgian chocolate filled with Chocolate mousse with chili, warm chocolate-hazelnut soufflé and chocolate ice cream. It’soyha obviously wanted to kill me with food.

We headed back to his suite an hour later and I could testify that I was drunk with all those food [if there was anything like that]. I was amazed at his composure even after eating such a bogus meal. He went in the bathroom to have a shower while I just changed into my shorts and boogie shirt after wiping the Office-Ante USA- red matte from my lips and cleansing my face with my facial cleanser, I was too tired to take another shower, I just wanted to rest my aching belly.

I punched on my phone and scrolled through my Google mail to see if I had any important message related to work or so. When I had satisfied myself that I had no extra work business, I visited my twitter page to find out the trending gist. I loved twitter, it was The-Way-I-Tried-To-Erase-Reality. Just then I saw a tweet on EFCC VS. TOM POLO, A cat and Mouse Game? I began to wonder what was happening.

Just as I clicked on the link below the tweet, I felt It’soyha climb on top of me as his warm hands grabbed my ass. I giggled as he planted tiny kisses on my back and neck. I couldn’t concentrate on the post I was trying to read, It’soyha even collected my phone from me and dropped it aside…”Tonight you’re going to be all mine” he whispered “No phones allowed babe.” His voice was warm behind my ears, I giggled at his every touch. He turned me to face him and kissed me deeply. It was so intense I couldn’t even breathe. He pulled his mouth off mine as he gasped for air, I loved every bit of him and I couldn’t lie about it. I reached out to touch his side stubble, he placed his palm over my hands and planted a warm kiss on it. I smiled at his gentle touch and brought down his face to mine as we shared another intimate kiss.

This time, he carried me off the bed, sat me on the nearby sofa and knelt in front of my open legs still kissing me with his hands on my butt. “I don’t want to rush this…” he muttered in between our kiss “I want to remember every bit of my first night with you Efua.”

He looked me in the eye, went to the fridge beside the bed and brought out a bottle of Prosecco. I watched It’soyha open the bottle of sparkling wine as i bit my lip. He was tall, clad in his bath robe, strong shoulders and great abs, dark hair and burning brown eyes, he was just so hot, I couldn’t deny. I smiled as I watched him cork the bottle open, it made a loud pop…he looked up at me and smiled as he poured the wine into two glasses and handed over one to me. I smiled as I took a sip…I don’t want wine, I say to myself, I want to kiss you.

I relish at my thought and just then, he pulled me up and kissed me pouring wine into my mouth. I chuckle as I placed my head on his chest. It feels like heaven and I don’t want to leave his embrace. I mouth down all my wine as I feel his hand gently massaging the all of my back way down to my butt. He pulled back from me, collected my wine glass and dropped it on the table in front of us.

Gently, he pulled off my boogie shirt and placed tiny kisses on my neck, then down to my lower part of my breast and then to my belly button. I tingled with light sensation as I giggled uncomfortably. He came back up, carried me  on top of him, kissed me hard and placed me on the bed. I sigh in exasperation as his mouth moved round my stomach area.

I push him back up to meet my lips where we kiss again, this time, I take the lead. I pulled off his robe and placed tiny kisses on his nose, shoulders, chest nipples and up back his temple as I run my hands over his body gently scratching his side stomach which caused him to giggle hard. Just then, he tried to pull my shorts and I freeze in fear. I loved every bit of what he was doing to me but I sure wasn’t ready to let him down that area. It was against everything I believed in. He looked at me, half-smiled and planted subtle kisses between my thighs. I felt goose-pimple all over and I’m ashamed to say my nipples were hard, craving, wanting more.

I pulled him away from my legs and half-smiled at him as he came up to me. He placed his hands across my chin as he looked me in the eye…

“What’s the matter Efua? I’m I coming on too strong for you?”
“It’s not like that It’soyha…I just don’t know if I’m ready.”
“I don’t understand. If you’re ready?”
“I really do care about you It’soyha but I need to be sure that you feel the same way about me too. I would be dammed if we made love and you didn’t.”
“I still don’t understand you Efua. I sincerely do care about you and you know that. I need not tell you.”
“Then marry me, and have me as you please.” I touched his lips and smiled. I heard him sigh
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying that I can’t have sex with you till we are married.”
He huffed “Are you a freaking virgin?” he asked dismayed as he sat up
I looked away feeling quite uncomfortable at his stare…
“You’ve got to be kidding me! With such great ass, who would have thought…where the hell have you been?”

I closed my eyes as I shook my head…who would have believed me in this situation…in this 21st century, I rolled off the bed as I tried to grab my boogie shirt. Just then, I felt his warm hands grab me from behind and I don’t know why but I started to cry. I tried to hold them back but they just won’t hide themselves. I felt him placing tiny kisses on my face as he hugged me tightly from behind. Just then I spoke out in between sobs…

“I don’t know if I’m ready…to share my soul with you It’soyha because I’m scared” I swallow my spit as I grit my teeth “I’m scared that you’ll take away this night from me without so much as to a second thought, as to how much it means, to bare my heart to you. As much as I want to live in this moment with you and share in this limitless pleasure, that I know you’ll bring me, I just don’t think its best until I know I can trust your lips.”

He pulled me to face him and looked me deep in the eye “You can trust me Efua, I won’t hurt you.”

“I don’t just want this night with you, It’soyha. I don’t just want one night with you. I want countless nights with you as I rise and fall, above and beneath you…can you give me that?” I watched as his expression changed “On this night, can you assure me that you’ll give me that?”

I looked on at his confused face as I half-smiled “Forgive me It’soyha for rambling on, I’m just tired of carrying my heart in two pieces. I really don’t like pieces, pieces of candy, pieces of chocolates, pieces of fruits…I prefer things whole, like a whole heart that I’d love to share with you but only if you’re ready…to share…your soul with me.”

I rubbed his face as I planted a light kiss on his lips… “I’m tired It’soyha, let’s go to sleep.”

I detangle myself from his hold, put on my boogie shirt and lay inside the covers. I knew it was over before it even began, it always was. I smiled as I tried to sleep closing my eyes.