Tag Archives: Heartbreak

Relationships: Heartbreaks – Pins & Needles?

The toughest part of letting go, is realizing the other person already did! Because it is funny how when someone says they love you, you can’t really feel it because you hardly think you love the person back but when they say they don’t love you anymore, you can then begin to feel every ounce of what was drained out of your entire being. Really amazing!

Do you ever understand this feeling of tingling? This feeling of numbness, quiet and then gradually pain and grief? Yes, that is the situation with pins and needles. Should I liken it to a heartbreak? I think so. Because the worst feeling is feeling unwanted by the person you want the most.

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Recently, my friend was heartbroken and I could not but feel all the empathy I could for her. She was in a place of grief. A place of numbness. A place of pain and terrible heartache. I watched my friend struggle to sleep and breathe. I watched my friend cry over and over again. No amount of my cheerfulness could cheer her up. I saw that it was best to let her cry out her grief; for there could be a million reasons why she should have just given him up, but the heart will always want what it wants.

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I was upset. I was livid. I was furious.

How does someone make you so vulnerable that every other thing around you makes no sense without them? How do you build your life around someone so much so that when they pull free, everything in your world crumbles to dust? How do you not want to eat so that you can at least stay alive for the next great amazing thing that might happen to you all because someone has left you? How do you struggle so hard to breathe because you have cried so much even your body cannot take it anymore? How?

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This was the exact situation of my friend and I struggled hard to try to make her smile, to say the least. It seemed like all my efforts could not get to her at a certain point. She refused to eat. She could not sleep. She was always absent minded, sometimes I would worry how she went about her day at work. She would ignore all calls, all texts and all chats, waiting and hoping that ‘he’ would call or even text. He never really did. The only time he called, it lasted for barely two minutes and my friend was more distraught, I wished he had just not called.

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Sometimes I try to understand the concept of a heartbreak and how it causes severe heartaches that leads to crying for more than a week. Like how do you not feel hungry for more than a week? How do you not know what it means to smile for more than a week? How do you not know how to talk on the phone because you are constantly tired and worn out from crying your entire body out? Just how?

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I don’t want to go about the sordid details of how the man in her life broke up with her via phone over a silly misunderstanding or how he could not have come to see her to iron things out maturely after over two and a half years of their being together. I remember her considering several options like being a nun or even travelling to see him or joining the ministry for single women [Lmao]. It was hilarious but I could tell she was being serious because really, only God can heal a broken heart.

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Two days after my friend kept crying and sleeping, I realized the only thing I could do to aid her healing process, was to be there for her and hold her close till she was okay to move on with her life; because truly, her life still laid bare in front of her and moving on was just the best option. We can try to forget what hurt us but we can never forget what it taught us in the long run.

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Whilst I agree that it is sometimes okay to cry over spilt milk especially the one that may be hard to get, I also hold the opinion that the quicker you move on to clean the spilt milk, the faster your chances of getting another glass in your hand no matter where it will come from. The question to ask yourself really will then be, who was I before they broke my heart? Did I like that person I was? Does this teach me to learn from this experience and be different?

So, I have some questions I need to ask…

  1. How do you really allow yourself to be vulnerable to someone that the mere exit of their presence in your live turns you to a vegetable?
  2. Why do people develop heartaches from heartbreak that spans over a week?
  3. Why do people realize after a heartbreak that the person who just pulled free was right for them all along that it only took the heartbreak to realize that fact?
  4. And really, why do people break up with their partners [long-time standing] for some mere issues that could easily be settled with proper communication and understanding?

Have you ever experienced an heartbreak? If yes, how did it make you feel? Did it feel like the end of the world to you and was there anything you could have done to bring back that partner? Looking back at it, was there anything you wished you had done differently?

I would love to read your comments below on the above issues.

Thank you.

Image Credit: Google

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Love & Heartbreak Series: No 2

Dear Lover,

You know
How high and fortified the walls were
How beaten and shredded and broken my heart was
How strong the resolve- not to fall victim to love’s vain promises- was
How intensely I fanned the fear of vulnerability.

You came
Wielding Cupid’s famed arrow, pointed and precise
Neglecting how the signs screamed red
You shot directly at my core
Permeating my pneuma with the ingenuity of your love,
Like the Trojan horse, sans the deceit

Your deep throated laughter,
Whilst your head is thrown backwards,
With your eyes glistering with tears,
Has become my favourite sound

And you know what my favourite sight has become?
Watching your face light up,
With the blush cutting through your dark skin,
When I call you mine

You, my hot glass of dark chocolate,
Topped with honey and hazelnut
Our destinies have become so intertwined,
Like Siamese twins defying all neurologic procedures

And just a stare in your eyes,
Gives me a wholesome glimpse of our forever
Filled with laughter and friendship
And surfing on sandy beaches

And even as I write this,
I long for you with all my being
Your warm, alluring lips,
As they press against and interlock mine
Your soft, sweaty palms, as they enclose mine

And as they rummage through my frame,
Sending sparks of pleasure throughout my body
And the way my body helplessly submits,
And my defences collapse like a pack of cards,
whenever we are together

And in our most intimate moments,
When you look into my eyes…
And hold my gaze…
With your warm breath falling on my skin…
And say you love me,
Saheed,
I am so convinced it’s not a bromide.

 

SAHEED TO CHIAMAKA

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Dear Paramour,

Indeed I felt the jab of Cupid’s arrows.
I laugh, and my face lights up.

The flames of destiny passed a warm loving heat for me.
My heart is stirred by a meeting of the lips.

Those intimate moments are the highlights of my day.
The gaze into the eyes of my true love,
The whisper of my genuine affections,
The sweetness of embrace.

But. Alas, you were right.
It’s not you, it’s me,
You were right and I was wrong.
Mere cliches and platitudes,
Unfortunately, these are not

You were right to have fanned
The flames of fear and fortifications.
You were right about the Trojan horse.
All of this, I did to get your sweet sister.

You were just a means to an end…
Every passion I feel,
I feel not for you
My affections are really for your sister.

 

Kindly remember to drop your comments below. Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love & Heartbreak Series: No. 1

This series is a compilation of beautifully crafted writings by members of the Literary Cafe (TLC) Plus as part of their daily tasks. So the first series is from Debbie; the lover & Daniel; the heart-breaker. I hope you enjoy reading it.

PS. This is a work of fiction. However, the characters are real.

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————-

FROM DEBBIE 

Letter 1

Daniel Darling,

If I were to tell you how much I loved you,
Then the waters of the ocean would dry up
The lands would be empty of sand
And I would still not be able to quantify
My love for you.

If I were to add you and me
I would subtract our clothes
And maybe let you divide my thighs
So we can multiply the times you make heavy
My love for you.

If I were to whisper in your ears
The strong passionate love you make me feel
Every time our breath shares a common space
It would be that my tongue has lost its mind
And I am prepared to explode in satisfaction
Of my love for you.

If I were to take the shape of your hands
I will gladly roam your body at every bath
At every scratch of your itchy face,
I’ll caress your cheeks and let you bite
The fingers that is me when you feel nervous
Because of my love for you.

Oh Dan, the night is getting cold without you by my side
But then I remember I met you yesterday
And that you left your warm hugs with me
So I run to grab the shirt I wore to the event
And lay it beside me…it smells of you
It smells so good my heart burst with excitement.

Oh Dan, let me paint your body with my love
Let me drink of the alcoholic goodness served by your lips
Oh please wrap me in the spell of your warm embrace and cuddles
For even though nothing lasts forever
My memory can last forever in your embrace
Just hold me tight, please.

SHE  STILL GOES ON:

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Images culled from Google.
Letter 2

Daniel Sugarplum,

I have never felt this way before
For someone I really truly adore
No matter what I get from you
My passion won’t vanish anymore
For I am wildly in love with you Dan.

Your abs and beards are just a masterpiece
For which I will give my life and more
Your smile just shines up my day
When nothing goes the right way.

All I need right now Dan
is just to embrace you with the pretty face
Just a sip of your almost pink lips
While my arms wait around your hips
Oh how madly in love with you am I Dan

I want to feel your body shiver
Your heart jumping off your chest
I want to smell your gorgeous scent
Kiss you in each and every inch
I want to feel you rise below
Only at my presence & every touch

Oh! Dan, I love the way you hold your lower lip
Between the jaws while you think
I miss the act I repeat to tease you
Your words echoing all the time
Still, I die to hear those words from you

Oh! My love where are you? Where are you?
Come Daniel let’s consummate this love already!

 

DANIEL REPLIES DEBBIE:

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Dear Debbie,

Is it you?
Is it me?
As far as my uncertainty goes,
one thing is sure,

I do not love you
Never have, never will
I read your letters,
The words made my eyes roll more times
than a pair of casino dice on a Friday night

Could I love you?
I can’t do the impossible
I was like you once,
Young, foolish and in love

I loved a woman
a woman who said she loved me,
She left me in a pool of tears,
and with a black hole where my heart used to be

I know you will say you love me enough for both of us,
Your love, surplus as it is, means nothing to me
When you say you love me and all my flaws
I laugh,
Life is not a romance novel or an Ed Sheeran song

Some things cannot be fixed
I am not a pet project or a sick puppy
I am a Yoruba demon,
a thing to be exorcised not cuddled

Sister Deborah,
this is not me breaking your heart
this is me setting the records straight,
you fell in love with a wrecking ball
now your heart is just like mine,
in pieces.

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Please don’t forget to leave your comments below, the writers are happy to know what you think.

Thank you.

 

HEALING YOURSELF

PS: Most times, people just want to let out all their hurt, but we too scared to let anyone see our drama. We don’t like to be tagged the “Primadonna” so we hide and bottle up all our feelings. However, we can’t afford to be homogenous all the time, so I have somehow come up with a way to let out all our pain when we are going through that heartbreak or when we lose a beloved.

First people, cry as loudly as you need. Be dramatic. Think about your favourite romantic/action movie; the chance meeting, the inevitable conflict, that epic break up/killer scene. Go to that place in your head. Use up as much energy as you can because the more you can get out now the better. Cry your eyes out. Forget about the advice columns that tell you about how to walk away gracefully or how to appear unaffected, because you are so affected. Even Edgar Allan Poe said, “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” Go there. Give yourself that one moment of absolute insanity. Do this now so you don’t have to stay up at night playing this scenario over and over in your mind, wondering what perfect combination of expletives would have sweetened the moment. Get it all out. Using up all that energy is good for you.

Exhaust yourself, and then Sleep. Activate zombie mode. It is ok. Draw the blinds closed; get under your covers and sleep. Go to bed at 7pm if you need to; wake up at 3 in the afternoon. Unless of course you are a student or have a job, in which case you’re going to have to restrict this behaviour to outside the hours of 8am and 5pm, Monday to Friday. You get the idea. Turn off your phone. It can wait. Fight the urge to call everyone you know to recount the epic episode and what you did above. We don’t need to go back to that place; we’re so done with crying already. What’s done is done. S/he is gone. Fight the urge to call her/him to remind her/him of the shoes s/he left at your place or her/his jacket still hanging in your closet. Fight the urge to ask her/him to come over to collect it. Do not prepare for her/his arrival. You will not be casually watching TV in your most flattering clothes. You don’t look casual at all. Do not convince yourself that this is okay.

More also, hang up on anyone that tries to tell you it is. Sleep. Get up only to bathe and eat. Who said ice cream and chocolate isn’t food? Order take-out, buy that Amala/fufu/starch you’ve been meaning to eat all the while. Pick up a birthday cake on the way home. It’s not your birthday, but no one needs to know that. Call up your close friends, talk and laugh your heart out. In fact, play Truth or Dare. Make a reservation for 1 at your favorite restaurant if you’re feeling that brave. Put on your hoodie and sunglasses, find a quiet corner and eat, dear. Eat! Your steak will never leave you; that bread will never look at another person. Stuff your face.

Leggings have stretch. Slacks are the best at this moment. Sit in front of that plate. Go all in and write. It doesn’t have to make sense. It doesn’t have to be coherent. Put something on the page to keep your hands busy. Put something on the page so you can read it a few months from now and laugh till you cry. Write because this is all you know for sure right now. Write. Write. Write.

Consequently, breathe. You’ve given yourself some time for high drama. Bravo. It’s time to get outside, you stink. You really could use the fresh air. Maybe you should sign up for that MTN Project fame audition or Nigeria’s Got Talent; you have lots of experience by now. Even if you don’t make it, the videos you’ll get out of it would be so funny. You could even make a funny video and put on instagram or just watch a lot of crazeclown or AfricanApe’s video. Go for a walk, a swim, get your yoga pants on and get back on the mat. Go to the gym, because “the greatest revenge is a killer butt or great muscles/biceps”. Wise words from a funny friend.

After you’ve done that, get clean. Put your clothes away and do some laundry. If ironing is your Zen state, then get to it. Get rid of the clutter. Clean up your space and clean up your heart. Delete, Recycle and delete. Her/his face book, yes. Twitter, yes. Pictures, yes. Instagram, Unfollow. Let go. Keeping track of her/his every update or activity will only remind you that life moves on. It always does. S/he pushed you to eating a birthday cake by yourself, remember that. Save yourself the trouble and get clean. You may have to go back to Crying for this one but do so in the quiet of your own home. No one needs to see your tears again.

Moreover, don’t fail to say yes. When your friends ask you to check out that overpriced new club. Say yes. Put on your favorite outfit. Yes, the one you were fantasizing about wearing during your sleep. Now is a good time. Get pretty/handsome and go out. Go dancing, drink a little too much, and laugh as loud as you can. Turn off your phone and give it to your designated driver with firm instructions not to return it to you till morning, even if you beg or better still, leave it at home. Even if you like, have a two-year old’s tantrum in the middle of the dance floor. You will laugh about it in the morning. Dance. Have a drink or two or ten. You are still beautiful and you should remember that tonight and any other night you need.

Additionally, if you can, do it. Remember that trip you wanted to take? To another city, to another state, to another continent. Do it. Because life is short. Because you are single and you are free and because you can. Go and make a plan. Put some money away. Take your time, then book that ticket or fill up your gas tank and go. Go with a friend or alone. Whichever way you want to, just do it. When you are in a city thousands of miles from your empty bedroom, you will remember that the world is big and you are tiny drop in a big ocean. It is breathtaking to be a part of something so vast and powerful. You are powerful. In ways you hadn’t even imagined. Powerful enough to forgive without expectations, without conditions, without shame. Forgive her/him. Because you must. Because doing anything else would be swallowing poison. Let it go.

And then, when you get back, move on. It’s difficult to remember what it’s like to be single; to smile at someone else, to flirt casually. Take your time on this one. There’s a thin line between a sexy wink and a crazy twitch, but practice makes perfect. Accept that invitation to coffee or ask someone pretty out for lunch. Go for drinks. Go for a movie, eat dinner, talk on the phone, go for a walk, enjoy the company and relax. Just like that, you are moving on. In the very least you are making new friends.

Finally, let your heart Love. The heart like any muscle needs exercise to get stronger. Think of this as one epic work out. You’ve done some heavy lifting. Stay open. There is love everywhere and you are worthy of it. Do not be afraid to try again and to fail again and again. You must fall in love with yourself everyday and leave a little room for anyone brave enough to join you.