Tag Archives: Nigeria

Public Proposals – Fancy or Nah

Hey guys…so it has been a while up in here. *Clears the dusty air* Phew, I know I have not been as active I should have been on here and I hope that I will do better this year. Happy new year guys, by the way. I hope that this is THAT year for you…yes YOU!

So there has been this recent trend of people proposing to their girlfriends and some to their boyfriends in public where people in turn, video and post on social media for all to see the tremendous joy of the newly engaged couples – and the both parties are happy about the outcome obviously.

However, the problem becomes – what happens to the person proposing when the subject of the proposal refuses to accept the ring embedded in a box?

Does it put their relationship in a fix?

Does the relationship cease to exist?

Does it mean there will have to be some sort of break period before the proposer proposes again – this time maybe more planned?

All these seemingly questions that should be thought through before the act of public proposal commences and yet we still see so many public proposals. What would you do if you were proposed to publicly – be you female or male, as is the trend nowadays? *eyes-rolling-till-it-falls-off-towards-the-floor*

Would you scream, cry and then shout for joy?

Would you act surprised as should be the case or maybe you already knew it was coming?

Would you say no to the proposer and walk away from the embarrassing scene?

Would you rather gather up the proposer, hug him/her, not say a single word and lead him/her away from the scene of crime?

What would you rather do in such a situation? Question then becomes, how sure should you be before proposing in public?

Let’s note that proposals can be of three types – Nigerians we are definitely too much.

  1. Secret Proposal – This is a proposal done secretly between the two lovebirds in the privacy of a hotel room, the man’s place, a quiet dinner for two with the entire restaurant reserved for them both, on a boat cruise with the two lovers alone, a private jet – where the man gets to fly the jet w/o interference from one hostess or pilot or better yet, his pilot is that loyal, so the word will never get out. There, you get the picture.
  2. Private intimate proposal – This is a proposal done in private between the two lovebirds in the presence of family and friends in a serene environment specially picked out for the occasion. Usually organized and arranged by friends of the female party or male party – if it is a male that will be proposed to *rolls-eye*. This could occur in a private beach, at a family and friends weekend getaway/vacation, on a boat cruise with mutual friends, at a friendship reunion – where all mutual friends will be present but away from the eyes of the entire world, at a special restaurant or at the girl’s or boy’s [I really don’t like that I have to keep putting male in the picture] home or at the place where the lovebirds first met but this time with only family and friends present.
  3. Public absurd proposal –   This is a proposal done in OPEN public my people. A proposal where the entire masses are involved, irrespective of whether or not mutual friends are present. This kind of proposal is usually an open surprise or a planned surprise – I don’t even know. This usually occurs at the public shopping mall, at the Airport, inside a public airplane, at a bus park, at the Church, at the cinemas – sometimes during a movie [goodness], at the office, on the main express road/by the streets, at a game, at an event/public show, in a public eatery – maybe inside cold stone ice-cream, somewhere on her pizza, inside her jollof rice or inside the wine glass [sigh], at a resort, at the amusement park – anywhere that is public as long as the heart want what it wants, right? Yeah, right!

I definitely do not ever want a PUBLIC proposal because they are not fancy or cute and it seems like utter blackmail. It is a manipulative and awkward way of getting me to say yes – if this ever happens to me, I will walk away without a single word to the proposer.

So here are pictures of public proposals gone wrong…

Public3

Public lady

Public

Picture Credit: Google; YouTube

Please proposer’s, know your partner. Do your due diligence – I cannot emphasize this enough. ALWAYS make a hint of what you are likely to do, understand what your other half would want and like, discuss the possibility or not of a proposal, respect their privacy and save yourself from the embarrassment of a ‘NO’ or from the person walking away from you and leaving you to the masses to ridicule and pity. Don’t go overboard with your emotions, please keep them in check. Don’t be like the lady who proposed to her boyfriend at ICM [Ikeja City Mall] of all places. Nada!

So, I ask again…what kind of proposal would you rather prefer guys?

I’d love to read your comments below, so please leave me a message in the comment box.

Thank you for stopping by.

 

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Ten Things I would do If I Become President…

So I was just on my own, when a colleague of mine asked me this question “I am kind of conducting a poll and I will like to know…what would be the one thing you would do if you became the President of Nigeria?

I looked my colleague, half thinking that at least, this could be some trick question but alas it wasn’t. So after thinking, I thought to write up a post in response to the question.

Here are 10 things I would love to do for my country if ever I became the President. I know that they may be hard to achieve but they are genuinely what I pray any president would at least, think of to do.

So here goes:

  1. First, I would re-model the Educational Curriculum in the Secondary schools: I believe that kids in Nigeria are made to study irrelevant stuffs, way too much than they should.  In Primary schools, kids will be taught the 1999 constitution and history of Nigeria. I would put in place a system where kids go to secondary schools where they can pick up their interests right from day one [whether it be flying, reading, making inventions, solving arithmetic, discussing political issues, understanding the human body, creating new designs, dancing/acting, talking, building things, writing, learning new languages etc.] The common entrance exam will be a test of the kids natural and true interests – activities the child would naturally enjoy and then excel in. When the kid is graded based on his/her interest, he/she will be given schools of choice that accommodate such interest and the parents will determine which of the schools to pick based on their pocket. Of course, I would naturally need the assistance of a bright educationist to achieve the right curriculum.
  2. I will build a water dam in the six (6) geo-political zones to help generate access to electricity 24/7.
  3. Then, I would put in place Social Security Numbers for every member of the Country: I believe that we need to get this SSN to enable us identify each and every Nigerian citizen who will get a Tax Identification Number [TIN], enable the government verify where they work and live, and then give them access to state WIFI and Light, give entitlements where need be [to certain age groups of course] and in turn, provide the adequate protection and security.
  4. Also, I would stop people from driving personal/private cars on week days, let them commute on a designated bus instead and drive their private cars on the weekends and public holidays. I would use this as a forum to encourage drivers and conductors that they need not be touts but can also be professionals in their fields. So in this bid, I will create several kinds of buses for school kids and professionals in the Banking & Insurance industry, Legal Practice, Aviation Sector, Real Estate development, Trade Sector, Business Men/Women, Police Men/Women, Judiciary, Political Field, Entertainment Field, Market Women/Men etc. The drivers and/or conductors will be professionals in Driving practice and will be treated with utmost respect. An Agency will be created to regulate their activities, tickets will be sold to each bus with timing and bus-stop locations. This will reduce the anyhow parking of cars on the streets, encourage walking [which is a good exercise], causing traffic commotions and so much cars on the road on official working days.
  5. I would build viable ports and buy lots of ships and ferries to encourage water transportation which will be cheap and accessible to all who require it. This will also help with the Nigerian Maritime practice, the sailors we have in Nigeria who have no work here and have to travel back abroad.
  6. I will encourage the use of ‘made in Nigeria’ products and ban the importation of ridiculous items such as toothpick, pencils, pens, rice, nuts, cutleries, plates etc. I will in turn create farms with adequate machinery and  a good factory for the boys/men/women/girls in Aba creating duplicate American/UK items and tagging it ‘Gucci’, ‘Dolce & Gabanna’, ‘Fendi’ etc. because Nigerians will not ordinarily buy their products.
  7. I will put all street beggars and stray kids in the Nigerian Military Service/Nigerian Army – they are better off there rather than begging on the streets and creating nuisance. The country will make better use of their agility and because they really have no one, they will be better committed to doing what they ought to do – to serve and protect the nation.
  8. I will create a Police Academy where all police men/women will be taught the use of logic and clear thoughts, proper defense mechanisms, act of proper investigative ability, code deciphering and use of forensics in any crime scene.
  9. I will make the National Youth Service optional for youths in the country but compulsory if you wish to engage in any public service for the Country [i.e government work]. If they decide to so engage in the NYSC scheme, they will be required to join the police Academy for 3 months of their service – scrap the camping activities in various states. They will also be made to travel round the states in the Country for 6 months to learn about the diverse cultures and heritage – this will assist them to settle in any state where they are deployed for the public service they wish to engage in. The remaining 3 months will be spent in apprenticeship of wherever they desire [of course, they will receive entitlements and benefits].
  10. Lastly, I will re-introduce the Kobo and make items affordable. How? I will put the Naira and Kobo on the Forex reserve and with the help of brilliant Economist, make the economy stable. All locally made items will be sold at an affordable rate [the manufacturers will get adequate benefits to encourage more locally produced goods] while imported goods will be sold at a far higher rate because of the payments made at the customs and excise duty [the rates at the customs will be made to discourage unnecessary imports into the country].

There. I have a lot of things to say but I feel these are urgent and necessary [my opinion].

What do you think about my list? Do you have better things you think I should have said?

Please feel free to share your comment on what you think is really lacking in Nigeria.

Cheers!

Lagos Hustle 1

In the end, the moral strength of any community will be measured by how we have treated our most vulnerable citizens, not by how we ourselves have fared…”

“Baboon wey no work to plant banana, go still chop free banana…” -‘Shioze

It is amazing how many things we assume and end up believing ought to be true without first stopping to probe for sure. In the country where we live in, Nigeria to be precise, it is not enough pride saying I live in the city of commercial wealth, precisely Lagos, without showing that you actually do have a job, a place to live in, enough cash in your pocket, and maybe a car to drive you round and about.

To say that you live in Lagos with a smile dashing about your teeth will mean to every other person that you have the means of survival and the strength of a hustler. It is painstakingly sad that about half of the population of the inhabitants of Lagos are hustling not for themselves but for others in privileged positions. This is the situation where you have small gods amongst gods…if you understand what I mean.

Now, my small rant all boils down to the amazing relationship between keke drivers and the small gods that they serve daily. These small gods prefer to be termed ‘Agbero/Omo-nile/touts/Area-boys’. I am sure you have most-times heard of them.

So I was going out one sunny afternoon and I jumped on the next free keke I found. As usual, we got towards Ajah market and one small man moved to the keke, pulled up a blue marker, proceeded to scribble some rubbish in front of the keke’s windscreen and said bluntly,

“Owo da?”

I looked at the hungry looking man and wondered what the money he was collecting was for. As usual, I assumed it was keke road levy to which the keke driver pulled out a #200 note, without complaint and handed the guy, who walked away peacefully.

Just a few drive ahead and another unscrupulous old man walked up to our keke, pulled out a red marker this time and scribbled some funny rubbish on the keke windscreen and looked at the keke driver smiling without a word. The keke driver, of course smiled back, and handed him a #100 note, still without complaint.

I again, assumed it was some sort of road levy for keke since it looked like a mutual consent of giving and receiving. We had not driven too far off as the keke criss-crossed towards the parking lane, when the same keke was accosted by two different funny looking Agbero’s shouting,

Ahn ahn…kilode? Owo e da? Ma fun mi #1000 oo, mi o ni shangii [change] oo”

Owo kini?” the keke driver requested “Mo ti fun baba agbalagba olowo naa”

Ma so rubbish oo, owo e da jare?”

The keke driver fumbled some words of cuss and complaint of how he had paid before and how they gave him one paper. The other dirty looking man replied saying he did not pay them, put his hands on the tricycle’s key proceeding to remove it before the keke driver opened his slosh-money hole handing them #1000 note saying,

Mi o ni change oo, e fun mi ni change e joor.”

The ugly  funny men fumbled between themselves and handed the keke driver some scrappy dirty notes consisting of #500, #200 and a #100 and walked to the next keke. At this point, I felt obliged to ask the throbbing question…

Oga, why you dey give all of them money like that? Na by force to pay?”

“Madam, na so we dey see am everyday oo. If you no pay them, na wahala be that oo”

“Ahn ahn, which kain yeye wahala?” I continued probing “If person no pay, them go beat am or collect him keke?”

“No, but they go worry you taya and they no go let you carry passenger. They fit even cease your key join.”

I looked at him in amazement as I listened. The elderly man seated beside me spoke up

“So somebody will work tirelessly only to give out his profits to some jobless set of people. There is nothing we won’t see in Nigeria. I mean, I can just go and buy marker and join the jobless wagon, abi no be so?”

He finished, looking outside in a bid to come down from the keke and trek the remaining distance.

I looked at the keke man and asked again

“So how much do you pay in total?”

Ha, e plenty oo. We dey pay #2,400 everyday.”

“Ehn? #2,400 everyday? For what now?” I asked angrily as the other woman hissed and said “Oloriburuku ni omo rada rada, #2,400 se kini?”

Una no go understand at all. Na so we dey see am. You no dey see say keke no dey gree come Ajah? The money wey we dey pay too much. I f we increas price, una go shout…wetin we wan do now?”

I could not possibly understand why each keke that passed Ajah market had to pay #2,400 to the rubbish set of touts who just drink, smoke and eat dried fish all day and maybe buy a blue/red marker every week. I mean, these keke drivers have a family to fend for, some even have kids, some have to pay school fees, they still need to buy fuel everyday, they still need to remit money of weekly earnings to their boss who owns the keke [they may be lucky if they own it themselves] but then they also have to provide money for monthly checks and maintenance plus they have to feed themselves and pay rent and so many other thing that money demands.

So how does a cut of #2,400 out of the little money of about #5,700 to #6,400 they make daily help their situation? I questioned further [thanks to the traffic jam, I was able to stall] on how come the money they paid the touts amounted to #2,400 every day and the keke man gladly explained.

He told me that in the morning, they pay a total of #700 to some set of touts who claim that the land they keep passing is their father’s land. So when they come to Ajah as early as 5.00am-7.30am to drop the early risers in a bid to avoid the morning Lagos traffic, they have to settle 3 sets of touts by paying #100, #200 and #200 respectively; then they give the policemen standing on patrol #200.

I gasped! So policemen were also involved in the free-money-collection game and these touts already come out by 5.00am? Amazing!.

Then in the afternoon, they pay a fee of #900 to another set of touts who come out only in the afternoons. The #900 they pay in batches as well and if they are unlucky to drive by again and see a strange face that they did not see earlier when they had paid, they have to pay another #100 or #200 depending on the tout’s demand. If they refuse, the tout will also refuse them to drive away or just yank away something vital from the keke, thereby leading to extra costs. What do you have left to do asides from being ‘penny wise, pound foolish’?

In the evenings, they then pay #800 and this includes policemen levy as well.

I could vividly remember one evening when I was in a keke and there was this hold-up, only to discover later when we got forward that a certain baba was accosting keke drivers and holding them to ransom if they did not pay the compulsory #200. This certain baba was collecting the said money for the policemen on patrol.

How did I know this?

When the keke I was in had successfully passed the baba [after payment of course], we were stopped again by the policemen just ahead. I had thought it was some sort of regulatory control for traffic, only for one of the policemen to shout across to the baba saying’

Baba Ado, shey oti gba owo’ eleyi?”

“Ehn, mo ti gba awon keke. E je ko lo.”

Eh! I did not just believe my ears. The police too? Just beautiful! The lady and the man seated with me just kept on complaining about the police and their continuous form of corruption and the keke man laughed. In his mind, hustle must still continue, no giving up.

We keep saying we need change, but how does that happen if we all don’t join together to create this change? I realize that everyone has his or her own struggle and only when you wear the shoe, do you realize how much it has been hurting the next person before you.

It’s not enough to complain and assume, it is for us to ask ourselves, if I were in the position of the keke driver, what would I do different than hike prices?

If I were the touts, what would I do different to stop keke bullying?

If i were the policeman on patrol, what would I do different for the keke drivers and the way-laying jobless touts?

If we succeed in answering these questions truthfully, we may realize just how far we are not from being different.

What are your thoughts? Please kindly use the comment section down below, it will be very much appreciated.